My son turned 3 in January, watching him grow and change has been so rewarding. Gone are the days of him crawling, babbling and me trying to figure out what he needs or wants. Now he tells me he's hungry, or thirsty, or wants to potty. He also lets me know in a very distinct way that he is displeased... My beautiful boy started to have all out screaming tantrums. At first they were minor sessions of him yelling "that's mine!" or "I want!" lately they he's been shrieking like a banshee, big crocodile tear, red faced melt downs that cause me major anxiety and embarrassment. The first aforementioned red faced-banshee incident happened in the middle of Publix (our local grocery store) it was a typical day nothing out of the ordinary. As we passed by the bakery with all the delicious goods the colorful frosted cupcake caught Darin's eye. Then the "I want's" started, the "Gimme's" followed. As I calmly explained that we do not need cupcakes because we have at home, the "It's Mine" and the crocodile tears started. Progressing in to the flailing of arms and legs as we moved on through the store. The further away we moved the louder and more upset he became until he hit a high pitched note that would make Mariah Carey green with envy. My heart stopped, I turned white as a ghost and felt the eyes of every customer on me and my possessed child. Mortified I grabbed him out of the cart bucking and screaming like a wild bronco and fled the store, sans dinner for the night.
I've read a few Mommy blogs of women who have dealt with their children's tantrums, some positively, other.. well. In one of them, she expressed how in an instant she hated her child. In the fraction of a millisecond when her child was in full Chernobyl melt down she hated him. When reading this post I thought how horrible, how could you ever for a split second hate this miracle you created. Until... it happened to me!
In the second Darin's went from 0 to over the top extreme melt down, I felt it... I hate my child. As soon as the thought entered my head, I felt guilty. Oh no... I'm a horrible Mother, I just felt it for a brief instant. How, how can this be, in one fraction of a second my thought process I would go to me hating my precious baby boy. On top of feeling humiliated, I felt angry, both at Darin and myself... more myself. By the time we arrived at home, Darin finally calmed down in the form of a nap, and I ... I was left to quietly ponder the array of emotions the past 20 minutes barraged me with and if I should have just bought the cupcakes.
It really does take a village to help raise a child and thankfully my Father was there with some pretty good advise. "Talk to him" he said, you stay calm and talk to him, he's too young to understand but if your calm he will slowly regain composure, then he will tell you what he wants..... Really, that works? So, in the throws of the next catastrophic melt down I tried it. I took a great deal of patience, and a cool baby wipe to the face but I was able to calm Darin down to a point and he was able to use his "big boy words" and tell me what he wanted. It does not mean he always gets what he wants but in expressing his desires and me taking the time to listen it makes a difference in his reactions and the tantrums do not last as long. This technique has been working so far, and the key is to control the situation. Darin is an overall easy child but like every child he does not always know how to express himself. As for me "hating" him... that is a guilt I carried for a little while but when he says to me "Mommy lets dance" or tell me a knock knock joke and we laugh hysterically I know I could never really hate my child because he fills my heart with so much love some days it feels like it will explode.
Sigh, that is one of my favorite scents, right next to new car smell and the fragrance of new money.
